Thursday, May 31, 2007
sometimes, i dont know i want to feel sad or happy.
disappointed or not.
angry or calm.
sometimes i just feel that, ive got the rights to feel what i want to feel.
but sometimes, you tell me that im wrong to feel that way. because you are supposed to be the one to feel that way.
so this is the situation which i always get entangled in.
im so sick being in the world.
yet whenever i think of Him, i feel that im such a happy girl because there are many more unhappy people living in the world&around me.
today, i feel especially calm though i felt emotional just now.
to my surprise, i used reverse psychology to make it work.
i realised i managed it well&i didnt use this method in my entire life with you at all.
i was so elated cause it worked!
however, i dont know if it was your contra-soberness which made things turn out fine.
but im still contented with the situation now.
though there are unhappiness in this relationship, i want to face it bravely&calmly.
because i want to love you all my life. i want to sustain this relationship.
i dont care how your friends look at me as your girlfriend.
i will try my best to be one.
&if i fail, i want to reflect&realise on my own.
because i feel that it'll work better this way.
in everything we do, i just want to deal those little hiccups with TOTAL calmness.
i just want to say i love you. i will never want to let you go. - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Sunday, May 27, 2007
IM OVER THE MOON!
just came back from chalet.
in fact, dear&i went to TWO chalets.
as excited as i was, i DIDNT sleep a wink last night.
trained down to TANAHMERAH& we've got ourselves a cab.
so we cabbed down to CHANGI SAFRA .
to my surprise, i remembered that i went there before with my parents!
was being received by MR. & MRS. SAY'S & HANHAN'S warm welcome!
took a few photos. & samantha&shannon were trying to be the POPSTARS for the night; kept singing NONSTOP!
dear&i feasted on many chicken wings&sotongs&stingray.
we had a sumptous dinner&dear&i set off to MELODY'S CHALET at ARWANDA.
on the way there, we managed to hitch a ride from 2 nice&cool guys.
he dropped us at CHANGI VILLAGE& we cabbed to mel's chalet.
MEL chalet was a SUPER high-end chalet. room was enormous&living room was far more enormous than the bedrooms.
like what dear said, alcohol was absolutely FREE-FLOW.
took a little of it&i started talking a little too much (i realised but bee disagreed with me).
was actually wondering if i was getting HIGH.
but nevermind. one of the many people who came was WASTED. he's none other than ALVIN. cant blame him actually as he drank really ALOT. even before he went to mel's chalet, he drank a lot already.
--
so in the end, alvin puked everywhere&dear, kokwei&i helped him to the toilet.
YES. HE SLEPT IN THE TOILET.
poor thing! ):
baby&i stayed at mel's chalet until dawn broke.
it was about 7am when we left ARWANDA.
i was still feeling awake. wasnt feeling sleepy at all.
BOON, a nice fetched us back to BEN'S chalet.
THANKS BOON!
slept at around 730? and bloody woke up at 10 am to check out.
bowl at CHANGI SAFRA&ate BREEKS at changi airport.
baby met his old-good colleagues& was being offered to work at breeks again.
baby. DONT work for now okay?
study first! (: i love you.
went to baby's house to get my book.
i have yet to finish them. oh gosh.
im feeling darn tired now. i need sleep seriously. ):
i dont want to go for ballet later.
im feeling so tired.
GLOBAL DAY OF PRAYER TOMORROW!!!
hope i can leave early for ballet.
dont think im turning up for advanced training. instead, i might go for inter training. (:
back to the hands of time. (training!)
OH YEAH. MY FIRST LATE NIGHT OUT!
SUCCESSFUL!!!
- i just wanted to say ...# ;
Friday, May 25, 2007
on tues, i'd BCA&it was utterly boring as we had to do exercises on our own. which only due this sunday, 1159pm.
&thats why jacjac&i came out with stupid actions&laughter with the distortion of my face!
here are some captures of them:
jacjac&i. we looked so adorable! arent we!
200 pounds beauty. double chin too heavy to bear.
seriously, ive got more pictures to post.
but they arent coming to me! haha. :D
i think i really looked retarded.
but WE HAD FUN LAUGHING NON-STOP aights.
tmr is going to be an exciting day for myself, dear& mr. & mrs. SAY.
HELLO WORLD.
im telling you my plans for tmr!
*class starting at 10am; ending at 12pm (ONLY two hours)
*215pm supposed to go for BA ENVOY interview. (hesitating if i should join; too many commitments)
*waiting for honey to finish&head dwn to JP t get his repaired ring.
*head back to school for NRA training
*head down to changi safra for MR BEN SAY'S BIRTHDAY CHALET- all done up by MRS CHERYL SAY.
*staying overnight there. whahah. :D my favourite!
the MOST turn off thing is that saturday, im going to have my replacement lecture for POA due to vesak day next thursday! DARN IT.
im so excited about tmr!
hope nothing will stand in my way. (:
CHEERS honey. i love you.
i miss you. i want to hear your voice! (: - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Monday, May 21, 2007
im such a GOOD girl today.
finally, im starting to do my tutorial again.
HAHA :D
starting of school, chinchin&hanhan&i were so enthusiastic into work.
now, chinchin&i were like saying that we lost our enthusiasm in our work.
we started to lose focus&starting to "heck care" tutorials. ):
which is a bad thing.
BAD BAD BAD thing! ):
actually hanhan at the beginning wasnt enthu at all. HAHA :D
WOOPS! =X
pon classes ALL THE WAY till she got so many warning letters from school.
HANHAN! SEE NOW YOU STILL DARE TO PON LECTURES&TUTORIALS NOT!
i shall keep up my good work nowadays!
baby. thanks for accompanying all the way.
i just love you being with me every minute&every second!
kisskiss ** - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Sunday, May 20, 2007
nothing much today.
today's event comprises of working out gym, eat lunch, sent my heels for repair, went home&nap, &lastly, HOMEWORK.
its BCA again.
omgdz.
its an every weekend thing.
total dullness. -.-" - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Saturday, May 19, 2007
IS was utterly boring!
was busying doing work until i exceed the class time which was supposed to end at 12pm.
i finished my work at 12:03 pm. HAHA.
oh nevermind. wrote superly a lot. two whole pages!
after IS, waited for dear to come to school.
but after thinking for awhile, i decided to give him a call&found out that actually he was starting his class only at 2pm. wth. but its okay.
im not bored waiting for him.
cause im having fun with the OLD OLD OLD game! - MARIO!
went to library to chill. saw marcus&derek. they are like brothers. oh so unfortunately, they got booked in the library for making too much noise while playing CS. aww. boys' fav. game!
bought a cup of COFFEE MINT BLENDED for myself. it rocked me upside down, inside out. (:
after school, headed down to town to chill.
i was on high drugs, laughed non-stop!
deardear&friends thought i went bonkers.
actually our plan was to catch a movie, but some hiccups happened on the way, so we missed it. ):
aww, nevermind, next time! (:
i love baby. he's so nice&sweet!
feels so husbandly! (x (abit too early huh. but who cares?)
darling accompanied me to boon lay. we parted for our own home.
love you baby! (: see you tmr in jurong&i'll be getting a new pair of heels! WHOO!
and i need to repair another pair of heels.
lousy quality. =X
on my way home! love you honey. - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Friday, May 18, 2007
schooling today was total enriching.
cant believe that i was so hardworking, busy copying notes&listening to lecturer talk talk talk non-stop!
cheryl was on high spirit today. laughed&laughed with zzach&jacjac today.
OMGZzz.
we created so many wierd names for each other! HAHA.
such as.
HANIZAH = hanhan
CHERYL = chinchin
JACQUELINE = jacjac
DEBORAH (me) = brabra
my GAWD. thanks people. made me laughed too much. UNGLAM people! but i love you all! (x
today TWO people praised me!
firstly is that, my deardear corrected me in something.
&i graciously agreed to it&i had agreed to change! (x
deardear said he loved me saying that! HAHA. :D
IM HIGH TOO.
the second person who praised me was ms foo!
haha. said that i'd slim down, esp my thighs.
but the disadvantage was that i didnt have the strength to dance alr. cause yar.
slimmed down = less fats = less energy
today's class was ABSOLUTE shiokness.
though we didnt do any stretching. but i just love training&working my muscles.
shall break my pointe shoes so that i can use it as soft pointe.
deardear accompanied me to dance school. i just love him sacrificing for me.
but at the same time, i was afraid that he's feeling tired. ):
bee, if you feel tired, go home rest okay. i know you are tired. dont force yourself yea?
i love you! - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Thursday, May 17, 2007
viewed my pictures&realised that i havent post these.
cheerful cheryl, my love.
BESTIE! hanizah. (:
my TRUE love. ruixiang fatfat! xP - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
some things need to be reflected.
some things cant be forced.
these, everyone must understand.
cheer up deborah. your life isnt bad!
take in a deep deep breath and BREATHE hard.
smile my dear! you are a cheerful girl.
deborah, just remember, you are a cheerful&the happiest person on earth!
crying isnt your routine. crying is joy. it's bliss.
depression is happiness!
sadness is something you enjoy having it as your emotion.
smile deborah. you are great! (: - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
can you believe that at this hour at 930 pm, im still hanging around school.
just finished my NRA practice not too long ago&im shag to leave my butt off the chair.
did LOCKING today&imma loving it.
thought at first it was. URGGG.
difficult to coordinate. HAHA. :D
but made it in the end. WHOO!
havent eaten dinner&am waiting for darling to finish playing CS.
dots. CS-chiongster. )))):
waiting. (: hahaha. going have dinner with baby&his friends.
later! - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Monday, May 14, 2007
getting bored sitting here at BLUE tables.
im freaking hungry&seriously need to eat.
but. ive got NO appetite.
some unpleasant stuff happened which caused me to want to starve&kill myself.
hey people reading this, if you feel like, you really hate this entry, then dont read it on yea.
i dont want to hear any comments or questions about this entry as im freaking moodless&depressed!
hence, this shall not be talked/ discussed. because i freaking hate today.
i'll hate today unless someone cheers me up from this mooooooody-depressing feeling.
talked to abigail mei&other people about some stuffs.
and i hope im feeling much better.
i just want to be a happy person, one who is RAHRAH and smart in dealing all things.
one who just keeps smiling till im no more. (even on the deathbed of mine)
one who can make people's heart melt upon seeing my smile.
i just want to be THAT *snap* person.
shall go home early today. because im feeling very moody.
i just want to eat the chocolate cake which i bought for my mommy yest which is HAPPY MOMMY'S DAY!
i just want to gorge myself with all foods i see.
i just dont want to care what life's about.
i just want to be happy and carefree.
i hate feeling so emo&stuffs.
i hate handling situations which are soooooo super unpleasing and difficult.
i just want...
PEACE.
love the many people who have helped me deal with my problems.
such as cheryl, hanizah, samsum, justine, abigail, regine, xuan&my church people.
just want to give them a BIGBIG hug. (: - i just wanted to say ...# ;
HAPPY MUMMY DAY!
i had a great day today.
ultra lazy in the morning. after church, i went back home to sleep!
just need serious sleep for now. nothing else but SLEEP.
went for ballet&heard that NJC people gave kelly KELLY BARBIE DOLL for her bday present.
oh well. so adorable, childish yet thoughtful. (:
childish in the sense that kelly doesnt play these kind of stuff. but thoughtful&adorable in the sense that it's really cute and kelly can just place it somewhere on her shelf!
went to SAKURA for dinner.
its cost a bomb. but its worth eating those food there.
it was a delicious set of buffet&my family enjoyed it a lot.
BOUGHT MY MOMMY A CHOCOLATE CAKE! IT'S REALLY NICE AS I COULD SENSE THE AROMA LINGERING INTO MY NOSE! ^.^
took many photos. but most of them on food.
what we ate&what we left. (x
shiokness today.
PLEASE DONT WASTE FOOD!
SHARK'S FIN!
my brother's favourite! SASHIMI.
MY MOM'S FAVOURITE drink. COFFEE!
ALL OUR FAVOURITE. CHOC!!
WASABI.
MORE SASHIMI.
our table number.
the ambience. BEAUTIFUL.
THE END. (:
- i just wanted to say ...# ;
Sunday, May 13, 2007
went to my FIRST lesson of NRA on friday.
felt so good picking up hiphop again. it felt like, HEAVEN!
crunches&choreography was TWO THUMBS UP!.
the standard of the first ever lesson could match shaun's hiphop class.
you knw what.
i seriously envy ann for being so great as a dancer. ((:
anw, had muscles ache the next day.
--
on sat, the day which i just spent my day, i woke up&did my housework painfully.
my muscles were aching like. -SHIT-.
but i love my muscles aching. (:
cos they're working! (:
went for gym with deardear early in the morning!
HAHA. :D
so COOL.
yea. actually not very early, but its quite early for me though as 12pm is the time i usually wake up during weekends. ^.^
did so many stuffs at gym. for example.
treadmill, &dont know what, dont know what. =X
but i seriously love my muscles aching.
had been complaining the whole day. walked arduously the whole day. and tmr im going to have ballet training. which is GONNA BE SO TOUGH???
anything that can make me awake is my love. (:
like, my honey. (x
i need beauty sleep now. (:
shall upload pictures next blog. (: - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Thursday, May 10, 2007
im so depressed all of a sudden.
dont even know about what.
perhaps i was just feeling super tired today. (:
no worries people! ^.^
going to head back to st margs soon!
i seriously miss st margs.
going to like, spend all my time talking to teachers, taking my certicate! (:
im so EXCITED!!!
ive got many hours before i head back to ngee ann to have NRA. (:
it's going to be my first practice and going to impress myself!
GO DEBORAH, YOU CAN DO IT!
i miss my friends. seriously.
and i miss MISS SITI! - i just wanted to say ...# ;
HELLO YOU.
i love baby. because baby is forever so sweet and cute! what can you do? ^.^
jump!
baby. no matter how sad you are, i'll be there to cheer you up! (:
this is called
BLISS UNDERSTAND?
how great is the wind? really great. it gives us happiness!
i enjoy the moments which he rested on my shoulder. kisses*
my boyboy!
- i just wanted to say ...# ;
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
HAHA. i had a GREAT experience yesterday.
i got to experience how anger can lead to many other unpleasant things.
in life, we had to control our emotions¬ let emotions control us.
in world, many got into crimes such as murdering&man-slaughter.
so better to keep calm than be harsh; not let emotions control you.
disaster is the consequence if you dont control your emotions.
i feel so good. (:
WHEE. not to say those stuffs anymore.
i'd cleared the posts for you already. this is in the agreement&that's what i promised.
HAPPY NINE MONTHS MY DEAR! COUNTING ON.. (: BABY I LOVE YOU. - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Saturday, May 05, 2007
once a bitch, forever a bitch. - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
i guess no more of such close relationship between us.
i dont mind that this end. because something has been standing in between us for quite some time already.
feeling rather moody to have lost such a close yet once BFF.
anyway. just puting my feelings&GUT feelings into words.
dont have to bother. life sucks.
later! mundane BCA, tutorial questions. - i just wanted to say ...# ;
my day was long. feeling so tired right now, but ive got the urge&eagerness to blog.
perhaps i didnt blog for quite some time&im feeling something is just missing. (:
didnt expect myself to stay awake throughout the lessons i'd today.
i only slept for 5hrs+ &i could still make it to open my eyes&mind to focus.
early in the morning, i'd a quiz&i jolly-well flunked it.
*LAUGHS
it was predicted. so yea. was actually rushing through my assignment at the eleventh hour. hence, my balance time was cut short&was unable to revise.
oh well. at least i still passed! (:
POA class was GREAT!
i love the cranky teacher. (:
i'd learnt a lot of things from her.
& not forgetting my saviour, EDWIN YEO.
he helped me in my POA&i miraculously improved.
met honey.
carried my lethargy all the way to woodlands.
i was about to die half way.
soo TIRED!
went to dancepointe.
missed hiphop. it was more challenging this time.
too bad im not doing it anymore.
MUMMY came back today!
as elated as i was, i hugged almost everyone i saw.
felt a little awkward as i dont belong to hiphop already.
things had changed&i hope deborah will do fine in the future. (:
i never wanted to see things that are going to happen in the future.
because i know they wont be positive. ):
pray hard for me.
i need a job desperately.
money concerns me now.
more textbooks to buy! GOSH.
broke broke broke.
=X depression.
is jealousy standing in between us?
i felt that. there's like, always a barrier in between.
it's so awkward. though sometimes, i tried my best to make us look like we are conflict-less.
fake statements. (who knows?)
DEPRESSION.......................
i want to cry now. let tears flow like a river please.
cry my sorrows out.
you are such a bitch. you suck.
just hate you.
&i hate myself.
i love darling.
P.S. i love the conversation the hiphoppers had just now.
made me laugh&forget all my sorrows. thanks people.
you guys NEVER failed to make me laugh&be cheerful.
you guys kept my life going.
I JUST LOVE YOU ALL! - i just wanted to say ...# ;
on my way home! love you honey. 
cheerful cheryl, my love.
BESTIE! hanizah. (:
my TRUE love. ruixiang fatfat! xP 
PLEASE DONT WASTE FOOD!
SHARK'S FIN!
my brother's favourite! SASHIMI.
ALL OUR FAVOURITE. CHOC!!
MORE SASHIMI.
our table number.
the ambience. BEAUTIFUL.
jump!
baby. no matter how sad you are, i'll be there to cheer you up! (: 
this is called BLISS UNDERSTAND?
i enjoy the moments which he rested on my shoulder. kisses*
my boyboy!