Wednesday, May 31, 2006
ALL RIGHT.
just remembered that i have yet to upload THIS cuuuuutee! PHOTO!
- i just wanted to say ...# ;
i was sticky all over! feeling so uncomfortable whenever i was out, my uniform restricted my movements, i tried to free myself from all these uncomforts but to no avail. however, it was all right.
managed to board a double-decker 157 home. it was as comfortable as my bed that i felt like sleeping!
there i went- STONE. STONE. STONE.
anyway, the teacher-in-charge will call us to inform us(:
OH. i went my to polyclinic today with my sister and my mother.
it was kind of tough to bring a SMALL kid along with me today.
she is fragile that i was scared that i would lead her to any mishap.
fortunately, the journey went well. just that i had to hold her tight like a TREASURE.
well. i have to go to NUH next week for a thorough check-up (:
hope that nothing will happen to me.
i have to go andd complete my TEDIOUS homework. =x
-scooooots.OFF - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
ALL RIGHT.
let me begin this AWEFUL experience.
my mind is twirling like the one in ESCAPE.
i was flabbergasted for you to ask for me this morning.
then, i did not know what im supposed to say. It was as if there was something that had stucked in my throat which i could not get it out at all.
i felt so feeble with fear. YOU. did not know what will happen after telling YOUR convincing story.
i'd enough. so did everyone else who are innocent.
what do you want me to say to CONVINCE you that im still in the process of improving? im still in the process of getting a hang of the stressful life?
what i felt you did not feel it. Neither you can feel it either. the only thing is that little piece of report.
thanks. i really dont need you. you had given up on me. that was what you said after reprimanding me last year. momories were still as vivid as ever. i guess those could NEVER be erased.
but now you are controlling me again. you are controlling EVERY MOVEMENT I MAKE.
i had ENOUGH. i FELT SOOOO OVERPROTECTED you know?
the feeling is- so squashed up in your clutches.
i felt as though i cannot breathe AT ALL. i felt there's NO PEACE at all.
you dont know the method of handling me! you are just using the OLD and OUT-DATED method which you USED TO use to MOST OF THE GIRLS.
i am different. i admit i am ABNORMAL. i am SLOWER. but i can catch up!
i will PROVE to you ONE DAY that i can make it EVER to NJC! *roll eyes*
CLASS SPIES.
READ EVERY SINGLE WORD THAT IS TYPED HERE! ITS FOR YOU. YES YOU. NO ONE ELSE.
TELL MS SITI TO WASH HER HANDS OFF ME. I'LL HANDLE THEM MYSELF. AND I HAVE THE ABILITY TO HANDLE THEM MYSELF. YES MYSELF. TELL HER TO WASH HER HANDS TOTALLY OFF ME! TELL HER THAT SHE DOESNT KNOW MY FAMILY BACKGROUND. TELL HER TO NOT CARE ABOUT ME! I AM NOT HER ROBOT! I WILL STILL UPHOLD THE NAME OF ST MARGS. I WILL NOT TARNISH THE NAME OF ST MARGS. ASSURE HER THAT!
thanks (: - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Monday, May 29, 2006
All right. Let's start talking about last night. it was quite cold. but i just cant get to sleep! i was tossing around my bed. opening my eyes, closing my eyes.
probably i was just too nervous about my CHINESE O LEVEL. which is today!
this morning when i woke up, i was so busy-looking that i rushed to get all things prepared, i chucked all my notes in my ELLE bag. ate breakfast and darted down to wait for bus. well, i missed my bus. ): but its okay. i boarded another one. i thought i was going to be late, however in the end, i was one of the earliest.
reached school, i took a quick glance at my level. " I AM EARLY!", i thought.
up till now, it was a day of stress plus anxiety plus lethargy plus BURNT OUT!
WOW. we all made it for the VERY FIRST o level paper. (: this paper wasnt too difficult to do, neither was it too easy to do. it was quite ALL RIGHT. just pray for the BEST! (:
ms foo gave the SYDNEY DANCE TRIP form to me. well. i knew i couldnt go. FINANCIAL problem is killing me. im POOR. i really hope to go for this exciting trip. certainly, it will not come true. however i would hope for miracles to happen. that money would just fall from the sky, people will lend me some money for this enriching trip. its kinda expensive if you look at the sum itself, however, if you consider as a trip, with all neccessaties. it'll be CHEAP! taking SQ flight. living in a NOT-BAD hotel, dance school, food, EVERYTHING! $22oo. cheap rite? AS A WHOLE (:
sigh. okayy. i am VERY TIRED. HEAVY EYELIDS ARE TEARING! ='( - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Saturday, May 27, 2006
today will be a hectic-gonna be DAY.
all right. i'll have to flip open my books. learn everything to GAIN KNOWLEDGE.
and oso to memorise all FOR MY OWN GOOD! (:
blog again later!
-darts off. - i just wanted to say ...# ;
i'd just finished intensive revision for chinese! im feeling DEAD TIRED. feeling that my brain cant work anymore. i can feel my some tossing feeling in my head! feeling quite heavy. i cant put myself upright. all i can do now is to head for my direction like a zombie. steps were heavy. want to turn to bed already. wanting to lie on that soft and comfortable texture, to stay there for hours and hours, not wanting to leave it ever again.
and oso. i guess xt is off for her business trip. why are singaporeans so busy? filled their schedules till they find themselves breathless! i think people shouldnt bring this to themselves. they should enjoy. but must get back to serious and dreadful work. however, for people like me, i've to continue my INTENSIVE REVISION. dull and taxing revision!!! ;(
well. this year is going to end soon! (:
BEST OF LUCK PPL. HAPPY MEETING MS SITI TMR! haha. xP - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Friday, May 26, 2006
What a good play! I did not certify my certificates!
Today, Ms Siti then told us not to do everything last minute. YES. She said was right.
She then told us that, we must certify our certificates by our school to prove that they are the real and original certificates! And I began to feel my heart pumping and pumping faster, my face flushed. I was flustered! During the whole chinese programme, I could not laugh. I felt to lethargic. My heart felt like crying.
I was feeling down and disappointed.. I was hoping to get to smell the gates of NJC. I hope I can. I hope God will help me. ):
The coming monday will be my O level chinese paper. Oh no. I am so unprepared! Studied with Haozhao for the past few days in the library, I really admired her innocence, maturity and sensibility. I'd observed her. She worked with her mind not thinking of anything but only to accomplish her mission of the day. All I can say is that she is brilliant! She's a fast worker, she diligent, almost everything good that could actually describe her! She would concentrate, immersed herself into her work, and smoothly wrote out what she thought it was right! OH GOSH. She's really THAT good.......
I am NOTHING compared to her.
She is just like an adult I look up to, trying to learn her ways of studying effectively.
Whereas I am just like a child, who is still learning how to count and learn 'ABC'.
Got to catch up with ALOT of things. Esp MEMORISING my favourite chinese sayings and ALL the IDIOMS! (:
All right. Will report more next time in a more detailed way. Take care!
-me. - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
sometimes. i have the urge of forcing my head through the wall.
things have changed. i know VERY CLEARLY. i dont know if it sould be considered a good thing thing that i should be happy about or it should be considered a bad thing which u should mourn for..
it is going to end VERY QUICKLY. i've got this intuition. this strong sense that God is telling me, "I'm helping you get rid of this prob." yeah. and i think He is working in me. STRONGLY.
one thing i'd thought of it for quite some time. relationships with the young adults are getting better. things are turning for the good. i'm really glad and i really appreciate people like xingti etc. she is really willing to help me despite my introvercy. (am i using it correctly?) but anw, she's patient. (: now i know, getting back to the route of bringing our friendship together is really fun and good and well. i really feel good about it.
okayy. do i make any sense? ): many things had happened. and i guess these things that have happened and will still continue to happen, i'd brought it to myself. and i shall bear full responsibility.
i am really lost. and wish to consult someone. but i duno who. :( i seriously duno who.
and sometimes i wished that everything will just end for me and everything will start anew.
that'll be GREAT mann.
yes. truth hurts. i would rather hear the truth than lies.
i feel so.. squeezed into this situation. and i really hope it ends. SOON. - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Monday, May 22, 2006
alright. lets start blogging about what had happened today.
today, is just another restless day. the classroom was filled with this 'boring' feeling.
the reason is because the first "few" periods were chinese, well, i am just being sacarstic. it wasn't really a few periods actually. it was 2 and a 1/2 hrs of chinese! FIVE PERIODS!
teachers cant be blamed for all these things because they are also worried for our oncoming chinese O'level exam.
teachers were also tired preparing worksheets for us. we MUST understand.
however, somehow i felt very lethargic. i did my chinese letter writing VERY slowly, word by word. i wasnt really familiar with the way it should be written. thus i had really a hard time driving my pen on the paper.
my teacher was also complaining with the speed i was writing!
time really passed so quickly and its already 22 MAY! oh gosh. O level chinese is just a week away. i cant go for it. i am not prepared! OH NO. tragedy is going to fall on me! my hopes are still pinned HIGH. hoping to get an A1. however my ability blocks my route to success.
in my opinion, languages are my weaknesses now. somehow or rather, i cant express them out in words. i would just mix and match anyhow and there goes a ONE BIG QUESTION MARK. these weaknesses led me to be demoralised. enviously gazing at my friends' 20> marks for their essays. OBVIOUSLY i cant hit that mark, but at least, let me pass now, and i shall try to improve further in time to come.
english is the subject that has been an obstacle in my life.
i hate reading. books, magazines esp those LONG LONG passages, newspapers, only some articles i'll be interested to read. for example, suicidal events, family probs, murder cases etc.
whenever the page is open for me, i start to switch off. soon, i'll be hanging my head as low as it can go.
anyway, regarding the post which xingti posted about ariel, i also felt that joy in my heart. that, God is really working in ariel. He's doing miraculous things that are to our inexpectant! [am i using correctly? cos im trying very hard to improve my english this way;)]
God is good. He took "down syndrome" away from ariel! Thank God. just hope she'll be fine. (:
well. i have to switch off my computer before my electrical bill rise. yes.
and i also have tonnes and tonnes of homework to do! however, before that, i need rest!
alright! enough for today. (:
well, if there's any error, please tell me and guide me. i am really trying hard to work on my WEAKNESSES! (:
pardon for any errors. if you had a hard time reading it just now. i am so sorry! My apologies!
Love,
deborah- - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Friday, May 19, 2006
sighs. same pattern. dint expect myself to do so badly.
high hopes crushed on me.
i've got 2-B3; 2-C6; 2-F9.
F9-- eng; amaths.
C6-- chinese; combined humans
B3-- sci (chem-bio); emaths.
yeaps. tot i wld pass my amaths.
thought i'll pass my compo.
thought i'll at least get 20-smthg fer compre.
but in the end. REVERSE!
sighs. cant live on anymore.
i studied real hard ok. and got these results!
my dad is gg to sae. U SEE LA. SEE YOU SO RELAXED. WHOLE DAE WATCH TV; GO OUT. NEVER STUDY! SEE LA! THESE RESULTS. -there he'll go scold scold scold scold and nag nag nag nag.
den wad u want me to do to prove tat i'd studied? i'd tried!
I AM A VERY CARELESS PERSON. RACHELKOH NOES ME.
sigh. im disappointed with myself too. so dun be disappointed with me.
ITS ENOUGH! ENOUGH OF SCOLDINGS.
by scolding me again n again, u are adding tons and tons of stress on me!
i really had enough. u NEVER gave me a chance to speak.
i want to explain. but wad i'd explained is ALWAES sooo NOT TRUE in YOUR perception.
i duno wad i should do to make you satisfied! ):
ENOUGH.
REALLY ENOUGH.
simple. - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Thursday, May 18, 2006
alrights. got back my results.
im satisfied with my chem. yeaps.
did pretty well. got TOP fer it. 82%.
BUT. my bio pulled it down. so in the end i only got 69%.
missed my ONE PERCENT to get my distinction.
sighs. well.
ENGLISH. DINT DO WELL AGAIN. F9.
SS. hmm. 29/50. i shall do better next time round.
i had high hopes. but the results CRUSHED them.
im so scared that my dad will scold me.
HOW???
im working hard. working really hard.
but duno y the results DONT show. and this really. HAISH.
tmr we'll be getting back,
1. BIO
2. AMATHS
3. EMATHS
4. HIST
and i tink that's the end of the story.
okayys. todae. was a VERY TIRING dae. though i slept more last nite.
hmm. duno wad to blog alr.
FLY AWAY!
simplistic*gal - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
okayy. blogging.
well. got back my chi MYE.
sigh. im so lousy.
jus managed to pass my chinese. OH NO.
got 51.5% ONLY.
sad.
okayy. so came back home and took a few pics.
well. not a few. but many.
ok. not many but ALOT! haha.
FLOOD MY COM! ^.^
okayy. have to do my chinese alr.
dint do jus now. sigh.
*why cant my pics being uploaded to friendster??* ):
takkaire.
-----smooooooches!
simplistic*me - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
today. marking day.
intended to go out to swim.
if not den go orchard.
but im quite lazy today. perhaps another day lar.
xian oso nv contact me. nvm. next time.(:
i duno wad to blog. im so scared i did badly for MYE.
moreover, my dad said that i look VERY relaxed.
i was like. HUH?!?!
i studied sooo hard. i'd burnt midnight oil.
till ALL my pimples burst out!
and dont forget. i was sick. sigh.
i felt so misunderstood-ed.
i am really innocent. im not like wad YOU tink! sob.
mayb u are tinking like tt is becos. fer the last few papers.
i watched DCJ. RITE?? but. the reason why i watch is cos.
i noe i can do it. i noe there's nthg to watch it.
i dun wish to mug n mug n mug whole dae.
i dun wish to stress myself u see!
but in the end. ur perspective made me guilty.
should i consult the doc todaY?
regarding the SMALL lump below my collar bone.
sigh. hioe its nothing much! *cross fingers*
orights. shall go and eat breakfast! ^.^
simplistic*me - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Monday, May 15, 2006
orights. start blogging.
cant on com fer long. thanks to my bro.
spent duno how many HOURS on the com EACH DAE.
gosh. electrical bil's gonna SHOOT UP to the HEAVENS.
ok. todae. last dae of exam.
i FLUNKED it. thought its kinda easy.
the ting is. I AM SOOOOO CARELESS!!!!!
dint read question carefully!!!
gosh. dying alr. hows.
i jus passed my bio sec.
i am soooo careless~!
O Lord. Help me. =X
went to orchard. with sandee. e*ong. YX. and etika.
ate wanton mee. NICE!
took neoprints. quite okayy lar. >.<
tmr. shall go tan myself. swim swim swim.
okayy.
shall blog til here
takkaire ppl.
waiting fer RESULTS.
DISASTER..
simplistic*me - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Friday, May 12, 2006
okayy. im blogging. at pastor's hse. jus finished steamboat.
and... tmr. going to taannnn again. with winston n haoen.
wondering if my mom and sis are going.
cos tonight. we are going to have a show marathon!! haha.
DACHANGJIN! >.<
this show is FANTASTIC! whoots.
anw. todae. i went to taannn. and i quite like the feeeeeeling!
its like. penetrating through my skin. whee~
ok. ate char siew rice.
and GUESS WAT??
it cos 16 bucks in total!! my gosh.
ok. fer 3 ppl. exclude drinks.
DAYLIGHT ROBBERY!
and. i encountered smth todae.
i board the train.
and there's this gal sat beside me.
and that gal dropped her MENTHOS! on the floor, in the train.
and the person beside her was like. y dont u pick up that swweet.
and she was like. its NOT my fault wad.
its the sweet's fault. it wants to leave my hand....
i was like. its ur responsibility and u are actually blaming the POOR sweet!
and i was quite angry u noe. IN THE TRAIN!!!
and obviously she noes that it will attract ants! my gosh.
cant she think?
i can even tink with my own BUTT! =X
sooooooo ANGRY!
okayy. enuf. yeaps X)
takkaire!
-simplistic. - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Thursday, May 11, 2006
FINALLY. amaths paper had finished!
felt more relieved this time.
cos i can do MORE THAN HALF of the paper! (:
not really an accomplishment fer me.
BUT. i was able to do my LOG QNS! WOW.
thanks to AMOS.
AMOS IS NICE! HE HELPED ME WITH AMATHS FROM 4PM TO 915PM YEST! WOOTS!
im so tired. but the ting i felt so regretful.
AGAIN. i wasnt able to finish my paper. and i NOE how to do it.
SIGHS.
next paper:
1. SCI (chem-bio) MCQ
dun nd to do intensive studying alr!! WHEE.
im quite confident though.
"scarly" i dint get an A. sigh. i WISH to get an 'A' fer my SCI.
ok. blogged enuf.
JIAYOU.
-simplistic gurl* - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
heyyars.
emaths paper todae.
dint manage to finish it.
but the worst thing is. OMG! i noe how to do them!! oh gosh.
probably i'd spent too much time tinking bout those qns at the front.
SIGHS.
tmr will be my DD.
AMATHS leh. dying soon.
but can sorta REJOICE! cos tmr will be my LAST-SECOND paper.
YUP. and i'll be waiting fer my REPORT BOOK.
wow. my mom is going to collect from MS SITI. PERSONALLY.
oh gosh. i hope i can get my As fer my maths and sci though.
i highly doubt i'll pass my amaths n eng. sigh.
chi? i duno. LEAVE THEM TO GOD! =)
tmr.. tmr.. tmr..
SIGHS. oh mann. rmb to prepare a COFFIN fer me. *touch wood*
shall PRAY HARD! (:
all the people! STUDY HARD YAR?
takkaire.
LOVE YOUUs.
-simple*me BALLERINA - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Monday, May 08, 2006
back from sch.
i realised. before every exam. i prayed to God.
i asked Him to give all of us wisdom. i asked Him fer peace.
and guess WHAT?? He answered my prayers! =)
im so glad. i may do better this time.
cos i really worked fer it. burning midnight oil EVERY nite.
not very late. but i stil couldnt get enuf slp.
i will b stoning in the bus EVERY mornin. during this period.
i wanted to slp on my wae to sch.
but i MUST revise n get everything into my head.
and so i FORCED myself to wake up.
kept reminding myself, "WAKE UP GAL! JIAYOU!!!"
haha.
i left 3 papers to study fer.
1. emaths paper 2
2. amaths paper 2
3. sci( chem- bio) MCQ
so happy. but i'll stil be having PRELIMS.
oh gosh. i must stil MUG MUG MUG.
anw. im applying fer NJC DSA.
get into modern dance.
aft i heard jac saying they offer ballet.
and they do POINTE SHOES!
well. i have a dream to buck up on my POINTE work.
BADLY. DESPERATELY.
anw. WE WILL STIL HAVE OUR 1ST THREE MONTHS LAR DUDE!
duno who sae my sch teachers not updated.. sigh.
bear fruits. bear fruits. bear fruits.
bear fruits. bear fruits. bear fruits.
bear fruits. bear fruits. bear fruits.
bear fruits. bear fruits. bear fruits.
bear fruits. bear fruits. bear fruits.
hope i'll bear fruits this mid yr.
haha. endin here.
P.S: PEOPLE. DUN GIVE UP! LAZY PPL LIKE ARE WORKING HARD. TAKKAIRE!
MISS YOU ALL LOTS! - i just wanted to say ...# ;
these few daes arent really great.
WOW. its so GREAT. well. exams are here.
im in the midst of it. im suffering.
i did not hav enuf slp. i did not finsh studying fer my exams.
i want to continue w ma revision.
but time take them all awae!
i shall bear... bear with it.
and i'll bear FRUITS! haha. hope so.
but well. fer eng. hope the marker'l like my story. well tis is the 1st time im writin such story lines.
cos. i find it kinda interesting. so i wrote it. i sorta got the idea from jolene's work.
todae was my bio and amaths p1.
amos told me not to get nervous. but i did.
but i reminded myself umpteenth times..
i tried so hard. i fought so hard. stil i failed.
tmr will be my hist. and tat's the subj i had alwaes not done well. and im so. ARGH.
tink of hist. i'll tink of LSB. i'll feel guilty tat i did not work hard last yr.
yet he kept trying to persuade me. pushing me so so so so hard. encouraging me. but yet.
i went against it.
cos i was really tired last yr. i couldnt concentrate and i couldnt get any facts into my head.
and so. i did badly and i gave up.
and true enuf. i dropped my pure humans.
degraded myself to elec hist. but stil not tat bad uh.. =)
LSB persuaded me ALOT of times. not to drop.
but i did. OH NO. i'd "gu fu" his "qi wang" on me.
u noe. his efforts. and my efforts?? haish.
but if i perform fer my hist. he'll be happy too rite?
u noe. i'll actually melt. as in my heart will cry.
when i heard lavenia jolene sherry they all said tat LSB talked bout me.
but well. jus duno y. perhaps smth bad. but i duno.. =X
now. im trying hard to be a GOOD GIRL now. revise DARN HARD fer ALL my subjects.
i'd tried. and im stil trying hard to achieve the best.
now. im depending more on God.
U must be surprised rite? hahah. cos i found that i cant do i myself.
and God helped me in some waes or another..
i kept praying. fer my results. thank Him fer wad He has given me.
esp my friends; family; place; EVRYTHING!
yes u are rite to sae that im more HOLY den usual.
i get frustrated easily. esp when im PMSING. and when im feeling stressed.
so PPL! pls forgive me. and "liang jie" me.. ok?
thanks lots! fer you patience.. everything!!! =)
actually. 4E4. EILEEN ONG isnt a BAD person. she may whine n whine.
and complains jus like a typical singaporean.
but she actually helped me alot in my studies..
quite ALOT. yupp.
must comment her. =))
now. im blogging.
ltr go mugging.
whee! got myself a FBT shorts. its so comfortable.
haha.
i'll WEAR it EVERYDAE.
haha.
nuts nuts nuts nuts...
takkaire. tired.
LOVE- lil '' me. - i just wanted to say ...# ;
back from sch.
i realised. before every exam. i prayed to God.
i asked Him to give all of us wisdom. i asked Him fer peace.
and guess WHAT?? He answered my prayers! =)
im so glad. i may do better this time.
cos i really worked fer it. burning midnight oil EVERY nite.
not very late. but i stil couldnt get enuf slp.
i will b stoning in the bus EVERY mornin. during this period.
i wanted to slp on my wae to sch.
but i MUST revise n get everything into my head.
and so i FORCED myself to wake up.
kept reminding myself, "WAKE UP GAL! JIAYOU!!!"
haha.
i left 3 papers to study fer.
1. emaths paper 2
2. amaths paper 2
3. sci( chem- bio) MCQ
so happy. but i'll stil be having PRELIMS.
oh gosh. i must stil MUG MUG MUG.
anw. im applying fer NJC DSA.
get into modern dance.
aft i heard jac saying they offer ballet.
and they do POINTE SHOES!
well. i have a dream to buck up on my POINTE work.
BADLY. DESPERATELY.
anw. WE WILL STIL HAVE OUR 1ST THREE MONTHS LAR DUDE!
duno who sae my sch teachers not updated.. sigh.
bear fruits. bear fruits. bear fruits.
bear fruits. bear fruits. bear fruits.
bear fruits. bear fruits. bear fruits.
bear fruits. bear fruits. bear fruits.
bear fruits. bear fruits. bear fruits.
hope i'll bear fruits this mid yr.
haha. endin here.
P.S: PEOPLE. DUN GIVE UP! LAZY PPL LIKE ARE WORKING HARD. TAKKAIRE!
MISS YOU ALL LOTS! - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Friday, May 05, 2006
TODAE.
CHINESE EXAM - DINT MANAGE TO FINISH P2- SOBS.
WENT TO MACS. SO FULL AFT EATING NUGGETS. AND FRIES.
WENT HOME. COME ONLINE.
LTR. MUG MUG MUG MUG MUG.
SIANS.
BORING. MONDAE.
AMATHS P1 AND BIO PAPER!!!
TOUGH PAPERS. SIGHS.
TOUGH AND HEAVY.
DOTS.
PPL. STOP READING. GO STUDY!!!
AMATHS!! AND BIO!!
GO GO GO. SHOO SHOO.
HAHA
=D - i just wanted to say ...# ;
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
I AM SO ANGRY!!!
SOOO PISSEDDD.
I GO MUG MUG MUG MUG MUG ALR.
BYEBYE! - i just wanted to say ...# ;
